Doing 

 

I Didn’t Do Enough Today

I woke up

fed the pets

walked them

ate

cleaned up

journaled

talked to sage

texted

emailed 

organized.

Went to my studio.

 

Saw a client,

started a new painting, 

went to an art show

finished a painting, 

entertained 12 people,

drank tons of water,

peed several times

gathered files for tomorrow,

went to an online class.

 

After dinner I thought

the day is not over and I have definitely not done enough today. 

 

What would happen

if the empty spaces I imagine I would have 

if I did less

would actually show up?

where would “I” go

what vortex would I be sucked into

when would I see myself again

I would certainly dissipate

grow unlovable

I’d be less than

I’d get lost 

 

what would happen if I faced 

my exhaustion

and my greed 

the plethora of notions, ideas, projects, impressions, goals, responsibilities, 

I think I want them all 

 

But maybe I just 

don’t want empty space

room to let in approval 

or disapproval.

 

As a child, and even now

when I fill it all up

with doing

I am safe

I don’t get subjected to 

reflection or judgment

of being a “not doing enough-er” 

 

what will happen to my body

if the voice of “not enough” 

continues to burn me

like a candle at both ends

I love my doing

I just don’t love what it is doing to me.