POETRY
Doing
I Didn’t Do Enough Today
I woke up
fed the pets
walked them
ate
cleaned up
journaled
talked to sage
texted
emailed
organized.
Went to my studio.
Saw a client,
started a new painting,
went to an art show
finished a painting,
entertained 12 people,
drank tons of water,
peed several times
gathered files for tomorrow,
went to an online class.
After dinner I thought
the day is not over and I have definitely not done enough today.
What would happen
if the empty spaces I imagine I would have
if I did less
would actually show up?
where would “I” go
what vortex would I be sucked into
when would I see myself again
I would certainly dissipate
grow unlovable
I’d be less than
I’d get lost
what would happen if I faced
my exhaustion
and my greed
the plethora of notions, ideas, projects, impressions, goals, responsibilities,
I think I want them all
But maybe I just
don’t want empty space
room to let in approval
or disapproval.
As a child, and even now
when I fill it all up
with doing
I am safe
I don’t get subjected to
reflection or judgment
of being a “not doing enough-er”
what will happen to my body
if the voice of “not enough”
continues to burn me
like a candle at both ends
I love my doing
I just don’t love what it is doing to me.
I Pray
I Pray
I pray for what is supposed to be.
Supposed to be and sometimes isn’t.
Sometimes isn’t noticed but is always there.
I pray for the full space, the continuum, the constancy.
I pray to the East. Potential. Beginning,
The West. Done is done, for now.
The North, frozen in it’s ever changing constancy.
To the South, full light of day, greets greatest growth, greatest potential.
Be kind.
Be without shame or guilt.
Be limitless and set limits.
Hold self, hold others, hold it together, let it fall apart.
Let it all fall apart.
Love my natural self, my baby self, my child self,
my woman, woman, woman self.
I pray for that too.
For self and for connection.
For breathing in, and taking it all with me.
And breathing out and sending it all back again.
Forward tide
non resistance,
peace.